I could have been at a BBQ
Nepotism is a part of every culture. You will always want to do favors for friends and/or family including getting them jobs, even if they don’t deserve the position. Unfortunately in Hollywood, this means that the best actor will not always get the part. Jaden Smith is a prime example since he is the son of multi-award winning Will Smith. They starred together in The Pursuit of Happyness, which was fantastic, and our target for this article After Earth, which was foul.
Looks more like After Birth
The plot is Starship Troopers and Planet of the Apes. Spaceship crashes on a planet that is too dangerous for humans to live on it and the protagonist is being hunted by a creature designed to kill humans. The Shyamalan plot twist was spoiled in the previews; the planet is Earth. This movie takes place 1000 years after abandoning Earth or less time than that depending on how you interpret Jaden Smith’s monologue. Where are all the buildings? glass? Most things will break down after 1000 years but glass, styrofoam, and some plastics will take longer. I’m not saying there will be buildings but this looks more like Pangea than it should.
Please be Adam Warlock, Please be Adam Warlock
Jaden Smith doesn’t seem to be able to act yet. I think he will get there eventually but he doesn’t seem to have any natural talent at it. Acting, much like most jobs, can be learned but it helps to have some natural ability that Jaden seems to lack. Sorry Jaden, but you may need a real acting coach and not Cypher Raige. That name is so dumb I wouldn’t even use it for a Dungeons and Dragons character for fear of embarrassment. Speaking of Cypher Raige, Will Smith is a great actor. There is no doubt about that but he doesn’t quite have stoic soldier down. I think he should talk with Kurt Russell.
Always look eye
Apparently Will Smith came up with the ‘original’ story idea while watching Predators and reading War of the Worlds. The story is almost as derivative as Avatar but also has the added nuance of mediocre CGI and downright terrible practical effects. The Lord of the Rings birds looked more realistic than this Howard the Duck giant Eagle. There are too many things wrong with this movie for me to go into detail so I will give you some links of some YouTubers that did it pretty thoroughly at the end of this. Check those out.
How would I remake this movie? I would make this series strictly based on the title After Earth. Logically this sounds like it should take place during the time everyone was abandoning Earth. Let me lay it down for you.
No animals were used in the making of this film, some were harmed
The year is 2746 and the Earth has become almost uninhabitable. The GAO (Global Aeronautical Organization) has found a suitable planet for colonization that everyone left on Earth can go to in order for our species to thrive. There are colonies on Mars and Venus but they are small and less than ideal for a move of the 9 billion people on Earth. Our story starts 2 weeks after the last ship has arrived from Earth on the new homeworld Vida. Our main character is Zander, a general contractor and everyday guy. Many people are getting sick but no one knows why. It started as a cold and has escalated to pneumonia and people have started dying. After 5 months the population has shrunk from 9 billion to 1 billion and people are still dying. As it turns out a very small fraction of the population is immune to this disease and they are all that will be left very soon.
Winner of the South Jersey Big Pumpkin Weigh-Off
After everything is done with the population is down to a little over 800,000 and due to the short amount of time all the bodies are primarily in the 6 large cities that have been established so far. Massive buildings filled with dead bodies are basically cooking in the heat of the summer which is attracting the large carnivores for miles. Zander is now part of a much smaller community attempting to survive in the wild until being discovered by the ruling native creatures of the planet who will be referred to as Vidians. They must learn to work together to deal with this crisis and live in harmony while at the same time they are trying to learn to communicate and understand each other. Think Dances with Wolves meets Little House on the Prairie with a touch of Star Trek.
As always I am Tim McDonald, your movie watching stunt double. Hit me up on Twitter or Facebook to make suggestions or comments. I have a good sized list of movies to review but I am always open to suggestions or requests.
Welcome to Earth
As promised the links to the YouTubers:
Everything Wrong with After Earth
